Sweet 16

Today is my son Koby's 16th birthday.  16 years.  Wow.  We always hear people say, "Where does the time go?"  It is usually parents I hear saying this.  Yes, we see our children every day.  We are there to watch them grow. It isn’t until we take a moment to pause, and reflect that we realize just how much our children grow.  I believe it is because that change and growth happens slowly, gradually over time.  It happens in stages.  It isn’t until we look back and see just how tiny they were upon entering this world do we realize the magnitude of their journey.  They start out so tiny and helpless only to grow into stronger, better and more resilient versions of themselves.  Every now and then I sit back and I look at my youngest son.  It is in these moments I see a striking resemblance between Mini Me and Koby.   My mind starts to wander and a stampede of questions emerge. 

I wonder what Koby did at this age? 

Did he like the same things Mini Me does? 

Is he has ornery, sarcastic and all around goofy and funny like Mini Me is? 

I wonder what he's doing now.

What's his favorite color?

What's his favorite band or song?

What's his favorite food?

Does he sit half off of the chair like he's in a hurry to get somewhere when he eats?  Who is his favorite athlete and which sport is his favorite?

Does he have a girlfriend?  

Has he been in love? 

Has he had his heartbroken? 

Will he be going to prom? 

Is he excited to be turning 16 and being able to have some new found freedom that comes with turning 16? 

Is he good at math or does he have a favorite subject?

Has he thought about the future and what his plans might be?

What fears does he have if any?

What is he the most passionate about?

What goals, dreams and aspirations does he have?

What kind of a young man is he growing into?

What accomplishment is he the most proud of?

What does he want people to remember the most about him?

Does he know that he is loved by us even though we aren't there to show him?

Can he feel the love we send him?

Does he hate me?

Does he know that there are times I can feel him?

Is he angry because I chose adoption for him?

Does he hate us for not being in his life?

Does he realize I didn't want to be a distraction for him in his life?  

Does he understand that I wanted to give him the life I never had myself as a child?
Does he realize I didn’t think I could do that alone as a single parent? 

Will he ever know and understand that I wanted more, so much more for him than I had the ability to give him when he was born?

Does he know that my heart breaks each year a few times on days that remind me of him?

But most of all I hope he knows just how much I love him and how much Mini Me loves him.   I'll never know the answers here but I do know that he is a part of me; a part of my heart that is on the outside, walking around in this great big world.   I love you Koby.   Happy sweet 16th birthday.  I dedicate this song to you.

  

May your dreams bring you peace in the darkness

May you always rise over the rain

May the light from above always lead you to love

May you stay in the arms of the angels

May you always be brave in the shadows

'Til the sun shines upon you again

Hear this prayer in my heart and we'll ne'r be apart

May you stay in the arms of the angels

May you hear every song in the forest and if you ever you lose your own way

Hear my voice like a breeze, whisper soft through the trees

May you stay in the arms of the angels.

May you grow up to stand as a man, love

With the pride of your family and name

When you lay down your head, for to rest in your bed.

May you stay in the arms of the angels