After a day filled with WAY too much food, and a migraine to top it all off, I am feelings a bit low today. As I open the refridgerator to reach for my now buried milk, I can't help but think "What a waste! It's going to take a month to get through all of this food!" I start to think how many other folks who hardly have anything, would love to have a quarter of what is in my fridge. I always make a list of what I'm going to eat and try to stick too it. Inevitably I stray from the list, and end up making and receiving too much. Each year I swear it will be the last. Alas, here I sit with a fridge so full, I can't even see the light bulb that is suppose to illuminate my options. ugh..
To escape my guilty conscience, I jump into my piddly list of things to do around the house. The first thing, (naturally)being facebook; my electronic indulgence equivalent to chococlate. Just as I was starting to feel a bit better I came across the following status post:
Larimer County Foster Care Recruitment:
"to be adopted" -- found written on a youth's Christmas wish list by a 13 yr old Larimer County foster girl. Our teens want families too:)
Needless to say, that just put me over the edge in the guilt department; the tears just started to flow.
Over the last 2 years, my husband and I have been talking about getting involved in the foster care system. Currently, it's a complicated issue for us as we are in the midst of relocating. We also know that we are only committed to this new situation for 2-3 years. After that we are planning on moving to the east coast. We want to get involved not because we want or "need" another child, but because we have TRULY been blessed this and want to give back. Lately I have been feeling guilty for being so blessed. I struggle with the idea of "would that be fair to a child who is looking for a family?; to start the process, knowing it would be temporary? I'm the type of person who when I start something I HAVE to finish it and see it all the way the way through to the end. I HATE to have others finish what I start. When I was working this was my hugest problem; relinquishing control. I have always felt it was my responsibility to "finish" what I start. As I type, the irony I see is just jumping off of the page at me.
Then there is the issue of "What right do I have to be involved in possibly raising another child, when I can't even have a relationship with the child I placed for adoption?" I mean really? How much sense does that make? How fair/right would that be for me to do?
As you can see, this tiny little post on Facebook has sent my brain and heart on a mission to battle. For me, foster care isn't about making myself "feel" good or any of those other emotions that one gets from raising a child. It's not about me whatsoever. It's about stepping up to the plate and doing what I feel needs to be done. It's about giving a child something that they weren't given or was taken away from them through no fault of their own. It's about instilling hope in one person's life. By doing so, maybe that example will become a spark that starts a fire for others to do the same. There is a phrase that I love that I try to keep close at heart:
"You must be the change you want to see in the world." ~Mahatma Gandhi
When I get discouraged by the actions I see of others, I try to remember this. Often I succeed and am able to adjust my thinking, other times when I'm too emotional, not so much. I have the power to make a change no matter how hard it may seem. We all do. I don't know if fostering is what I am "suppose" to do but I am really, strongly considering it. I don't know if I believe in "signs" but I can't help but think I was suppose to read that post for some reason. I'm not one who believes in coinsidences either. I believe things happen for a reason, even if we don't comprehend at the time(or ever for that matter) why they happen. I have often thought that some things happen in life so that others can see a purpose and meaning in it. I believe certain instances and often times people, come in to our lives so that that issue or person can be used as an instrument to accentuate something in someone else's life. In essence, a sort of "wake up call" or spark for someone else. It's like this poem I have read:
"Some people come into our lives and quickly go.
Some people move our souls to dance. They awaken us to
new understanding with the passing whisper of their wisdom.
Some people make the sky more beautiful to gaze upon.
They stay in our lives for awhile, leave footprints
on our hearts, and we are never ever the same."
~ Flavia Weedn
And to think, all of this from reading a status update on Facebook...
