Karie~ I say this not to anger you but to wake you up. You need some help dealing with you emotions. I would recommend this website. It's for women who have been wounded emotionally in many different ways-including adoption. Please write her an e-mail she can help you. I will pray for you and hope you find some peace. I'm not being judgmental. You need to realize that your actions affect MANY more people than yourself. I'm sorry if you resent/hate me, but you've reached a point after 16 years of needing to deal with all your emotions.
You still don't get it. My blog is about me and for me to share my experiences with others; nothing more and nothing less. Coming here repeatedly is psychotic. Quite frankly it also solidifies my previous concerns I had about Koby's safety as well. There was nothing here for you, until now. My feelings regarding my son's adoption includes more than just myself and him. I would be lying if I didn't include you, his mother, in that story. It only makes sense to that I include you in this narrative. To exclude you would be dishonest, and quite frankly, ignoring the giant pink elephant in the room.(Kind of like when you and your husband made it a point to exclude me from my son's funeral and *LYING* about him being adopted at one day old. The fact that your spouse doesn't care to even remember that correctly speaks VOLUMES to me. I was never really wanted in your family's life, nor was I needed. I all ever was was a means to an end for you both. Even now, I am a scapegoat for Koby's decision to take his own life.)
Of course I have feelings regarding our relationship(I use that word lightly)and that's the beauty of *MY BLOG*: this is MY BLOG and I can do and say whatever I please. Nothing written here is fact nor have I ever claimed it to be. Everything contained within this blog is merely my opinion; nothing more, nothing less. If you can't handle that then might I suggest that you seek some professional help from a mental health specialist of your own. Again, might I suggest this website as I know you are familiar with them.
The fact that you and your spouse seem to think that you can identify some one with "mental health issues" yet couldn't(or wouldn't) acknowledge your very own son was one of those same people astounds me. The irony of that is not lost on me. Nor is the irony of your incessant *NEED* to visit my blog here, waiting with baited breath to see what I might possibly say or do that could tarnish that holier than thou facade of yours. Fear and insecurity are terrible traits to have especially for a Christian as they are based on fear; and fear comes from satan remember? True Christian people don't live in fear, they lean not on their own understanding but on God's. ( Isaiah 41:10 Psalm 56:3 Philippians 4:6-7 1 John 4:18 Proverbs 12:25)
Good Christian
Good Christian adoptive parents don't hide facts and impeding situations that will affect them being "picked" as adoptive parents.(Being in the process of selling one's personal business in order to be able to move out of state ASAP mainly.)
Good Christian adoptive parents don't dupe an agency so as to get out of their "responsibilities" towards said agency.
Good Christian adoptive parentsdo all they can for their child including putting aside their egos and their preconceived notions about how a relationship SHOULD evolve. This includes allowing your child access to information they need for themselves and their lives, not yours. Lying by omission is still lying.
Good Christian adoptive parents educate themselves before, during and even after an adoption has taken place. Adoption is an intricate subject that requires continual reading and education. It is no different than any other relationship; if it is not tended to properly, it dies.
Good Christian adoptive parents don't simply cherry pick the information they chose to fit the kind of relationship they want to have. Listening to every other person's experience or opinions on open adoption are not a substitute for real knowledge; information that agencies provide free of charge for the duration of said adoptive relationship. Some agencies actually have expertly trained staff who have gone on to receive special training in dealing with ONLY with children and adults who have issues with being adopted. Again, these are free resources made available to adoptive families. One phone is all it takes to utilize these services.
Good Christian adoptive parents don't try and control a first mother and tell her how to run her life; especially when she's trying to get back on her feet and start again. You don't kick a woman while they are down simply to see her grovel, beg & plead in order to stay remotely involved in said child's life.
Good Christian adoptive parents don't dangle a child and the possibility of cutting her out of that child's life simply because you don't agree with how she chooses to live her life. It is not your job nor your place to attempt to parent her.
Good Christian adoptive parents don't force their religious beliefs down other people's throats much less their own child's.
Good Christian Educated adoptive parents don't bad mouth their own family to their child's first family or anyone else for that matter.(Or vice versa)
Good Christian adoptive parents don't smile to some one's face and then stab them in the back when they are out of sight and out of mind. (People who gossip to you also gossip about you.)
Good Christian adoptive parents don't lie to their child, their fellow parishioners, their family and friends about their child's birthmother or the status of the relationship between the families in order to make themselves appear blameless and perfect.
Good Christian adoptive parents don't make boundaries, rules, & guidelines only to break them or change them when the relationship hits a snag and a slight disagreement occurs. That is punishment plain and simple. Changing one's preferred form of communication mid stream in an effort to make contact more difficult is ridiculous as well. Cutting ones self off from a child's first mother and then making contact with another relative(a relative you yourself have called "crazy" and "weird") who is unhealthy is childish, vindictive and reeks of immaturity.
Good Christian adoptive parents don't use their child as a pawn in a game of tug of war between the two families. Also, they don't pit family members against each other in order to give an example to the child as to why they aren't in contact with the child's first family.
Good Christian adoptive parents don't threaten their child's first family members with "If you don't respond to this email, we're not going to "allow" you to see (insert child's name here.)
Good Christian adoptive parents don't stalk their child's first family online through a blog, their social media accounts or create fake profiles in an attempt to see if their child's first family is actually in contact with their child without them knowing. (NEWSFLASH: we were, once, and he never told you.)
Good Christian adoptive parents don't try to force their adopted child to be who they want them to be and withhold love when the child doesn't meet their standards. They don't criticize their child for being lazy when it comes to doing their schoolwork; but especially PUBLICLY on their personal blog.
Good Christian adoptive parents don't totally disregard biology as being unimportant one minute, only to turn around later and use it as an excuse for their child being the way that they are or for taking their own life.
Good Christian adoptive parents don't play games with other people's feelings and lives.
Good Christian adoptive parents don't lie, manipulate or play games of *ANY KIND* period.
Good Christian adoptive parents are mentally mature as well as emotionally mature.
Good Christian adoptive parents don't go out of their way to hurt others simply because they are hurting and want someone else to hurt a much as they do.(Excluding your child's *ENTIRE FIRST FAMILY* all out of vindictiveness, anger, hurt and being in need of a scapegoat for their failings as parents.)
Good Christian adoptive parents don't play the victim, and blame others for their mistakes as a parents to said adopted child.
But most importantly, good Christian adoptive parents are filled with the Holy Spirit and allow Him to guide them in their DAILY lives; so much so that His presence not only shines through but is evident to believers and non believers alike, through both good times and bad. Actions speak louder that words or self administered labels of Christianity.
I'm am hoping that by giving you my attention, something you so obviously CRAVE you can't move on without it, that you will get whatever it is that you need to move forward with your life and leave me alone. If I give you a post that is dedicated solely to you, will you then go away? Will you focus on your issues and learn to forgive yourself for the things that you did that contributed to his death?
His death has been a blessing in disguise as it released not only him from his personal pain, but the pain you inflicted upon us as his first family. His death released me from ever having to deal with you ever again. Yet here we still are. Sad and pathetic isn't it? Even in death, your need for "control" still rages on. He was right: You are blind, oh so blind. You've not learned a single thing from his death and you will never change your ways. To me, that is the real tragedy here. Especially since you are still parenting another child.
