"Mom what's adopt mean?"

My 5 year old uttered this question this past weekend while on a road trip. I turned and looked at my husband, heart racing, anticipating a conversation I wasn't sure I wanted to have right then & there.

"Where did you learn that word honey?", I asked. My son then muttered something under his breath quietly.

"What was that?" I asked. "Nothing, nothing, never mind mom."

It was then that my husband piped in, "Son you can ask us anything you have a question about. Do you understand me? That's part of our job as parents; to answer your questions as best we can & talk about them too." You should never be afraid of asking us questions about things you don't understand, ok?"

That seemed to make sense to him because he said, "ok!" rather quickly. So again I asked him where he heard that word.

"Do you remember that dog place we went to yesterday? They were asking people to adopt some dogs. I really wanted to adopt them mom. They have no homes & are so cute!" With that I breathed a sigh of relief.

Is that wrong of me? Lately I've been thinking I don't think I want him to know about my son, K that I placed for adoption. I know how ridiculous that sounds since they have already met quite a few times. I keep thinking maybe he'll forget about K since he's too young to understand the concept of adoption. I have never really told him that K is his brother/half brother/"birthbrother"(as the adoptive family refers to my youngest as. Can we say ick?) I don't feel I need to burden him with labels & issues that he's too young to understand. He's still adjusting to the whole concept of school & us moving soon. A 5 year old doesn't need to be overwhelmed like that. I know that I will eventually have to have this conversation it's just one of those things I don't want to do; not now, not ever. I think my son will be crushed to know that he wasn't my only child & that he indeed has an older "brother". He's been asking for a sibling lately, which hasn't helped matters either. Oh the tangled web of adoption...Just when I have a handle on things, something reminds me otherwise...ugh

More there than here

I've been thinking a lot lately and haven't been able to type let alone get my spoken words out right either Add that to my internet no longer working for whatever random reason (Odd how it happens right at the end of my 2 year contract with AT&T.) not to mention my phone service. Then there was my youngest son starting school and now a move out of town is in the works. Combine that with trying to find a decent house to move into as well as all the rest of the crap that goes along with moving....ugh. Stress ha ha ha! Um yeah we can put a check mark in that box alright.

So since I can't get into my "groove" I'm planning to write about how I came to choose adoption for my oldest son K. Brief preview: I was not coerced & chose out of total & complete free will. From what I have been told I am as rare as the hope diamond when it comes to the above mentioned topic. Um, ok? I don't believe that but hey I'll delve into that later. I'm off to pack, clean, & whatnot even further...if only I could find my willpower as fast as I can find the bucket & mop....