Cautiously Optimistic

Yesterday I finally got into see a specialist doctor to get to the bottom of all my "female problems" that I have been having. As I said in my previous post, this problem has been on going & down right tiresome. After taking a time to mull over what to do vs. nothing at all, I eventually came to the conclusion nothing was not an option.

After my first attempt to find relief from my pain, I came away confused, defeated and hopeless. I actually started to wonder if I was nuts. I knew what I felt & that my pain was real, but felt like I was trying to convince my nurse practitioner of this. After all of that can you blame me for "retreating" back to my bed with my heating pad & endless supply of ibuprofen in tow? It was apparent to me at that point, it was safer for me to return to what I knew "worked" to get me through my pain. Alas, the pain would not relent as easily.

It was after much coaxing and encouragement from my mom, that I decided to "make the call". It just so happens that my mom works with quite a few OB/GYN's. She gave me her input as to who she would trust if she needed any of them. Cautiously optimistic, I took her advice & made an appointment.

Yesterday, as I waited in the lobby for my name to be called, I couldn't help but hear doubt start to echo in the back of my mind. I quickly put that out of my head, & focused on the here and now. In that moment, I made a conscious decision to be completely positive and not let my past experience cloud the present.

Moments later, in the examination room, I slowly felt the residual anxiety & doubt slip away. The more I sat and talked WITH my doctor, the more I felt like I was actually being heard & understood. She assured me I wasn't alone in feeling the way I did. She said, "More often than not, women seem to wait to go to the doctor as we are so busy taking care of everybody else's needs." Logically, I already knew this but hearing it from another woman & mom seemed to penetrate my thick head like a lightening bolt. The doctor went on to also inform me that the pain I have been experiencing over the years, is very common. Now that, I did not know. Mentally I sighed a huge sigh of relief. I knew right then and there that I was indeed, in good hands. We sat for a bit longer & went on further to talk about options for treatment. I was blown away at even the idea of there even BEING options. Options meant I was actually taking part in my own health care. I had never felt like that before. Having a "say" in how I wanted to proceed gave me a sense of empowerment.

Satisfied with the progress I had made that day, I walked out of the examination room with a bit of a swagger in my step. I took a brief moment to give my husband the condensed version of everything. Initially, he was thrilled. With in moment, I noticed a slow change in the look of his face. By the time we had reached the car he was rather agitated. When I asked what was wrong, he simply said," How is it your regular "doctor"couldn't figure this out, but it took a specialist one examination and we have an answer?" I couldn't help but snicker at that. "I was just thinking the same thing honey." You took the words right out of my mouth!"

The truth is I can drive myself nuts fixating on the why, or I can focus on the solution. With that being said, I am reminded of a statement a family member once made to me. "There's a reason why we have eyes on our face & not the back of our head." Touche. There is a fine line between learning from a past experience & dwelling on it. I know that for me, I am choosing to learn and become more aware for the future. Here's to looking forward and being optimistic about what the future has in store.