For as long as I can remember, I have always had female pain, aka cramps. Over the years I have learned to "just deal with it". I figured it was a part of life as a female. Recently, however, I found myself in bed for almost 2 weeks straight. Being that I have grown up in & around the medical profession, (my mom being a nurse, her mom & my great grandmother as well. I myself worked as a CNA & a MA) I know when to get to the doctor. Last week I reluctantly went to my Nurse Practitioner looking for some relief & hopefully some answers.The doctor's office in which my NP is located is the same office in which I worked for almost 4 years. I am familiar with the "protocol" and so I knew what to expect. I knew this wasn't going to be an easy fix, nor a cheap one at that. As I stepped inside the examination room, I was greeted rather hastily by the MA. Somehow my presence seemed to irritate her somehow so I kept quiet & saved my synopsis for the NP. As I waited, I became oh so aware of how I KNEW this whole scenario would end. I would be put through a battery of tests, have no definitive answer, still be in pain, & have a huge bill I can't afford to pay. C est la vie!
Just then Macy, came bounding in, greeting me with a huge hug and a smile just as big. Right then & there I lost it. I started to well up with tears & fought them back for fear of looking like an "emotional mess" in front of my past employer. Sitting straight up & faking a sneeze to cover up my near spilt tears, I forged ahead. After going through all of the routine niceties, Macy looks at me and asks the dreaded question; "So how have you been & what brings you to me today?" I start to tell her bit by bit & right about the time I am about to explain to her my chief complaint, I have a HUGE cramp that takes my breath away. It felt as if someone had lit my stomach on fire from the inside out. Right then & there I lost it. I couldn't keep my composure anymore. The tears reappeared. I managed to allow only a couple single tears to slide down my cheek. At that moment, I felt the worst pain I have ever felt in my life. I have given birth to 2 children, & have had other "procedures" in my life. None of them near the pain I felt in that moment.
I managed to finish telling Macy the manor in which I attempted to find relief from my pain. She seemed unfazed by my moment of weakness, as well as unconcerned by my revelation of my using expired narcotics given to me by my OB/GYN after my son's birth 4 years ago. I thought that would reveal to her my desperation for some kind of relief. Obviously, she wasn't grasping the degree of pain in which I was in & had been for quite some time. She quickly jumped into a rundown of what she thought the possible culprits might be. With each possibility, she added another test. All I could do was sit there in utter disbelief as I counted the dollars signs in my head. I felt like a Mastercard commercial: 1 paper gown: $5 bloodwork: $15 Ultrasound where you felt as though you have been violated by an alien life form: $500 Conclusive test results that show absolutely no reason for your "pain": PRICELESS
It was at that point I realized I had not been paying attention & had been nodding my head in agreement while muttering a grunt of "uh huh" as Macy continued her barrage of medical jargon. The next thing I know I'm being asked to disrobe, hop into a gown, & throw my legs up into stirrups and prepare myself for that oh so lovely procedure known by many a women as the pelvic exam. As I am laying flat on my back in the cold, dark examination room I can't help but think, "Why do women have to go through as much as we do just to BE a woman"? It's utterly ridiculous to me the things we must endure. Suddenly I remembered that men have to do prostate exams & oddly enough I was comforted by that mental picture in my head.
Macy entered at that moment & strangely enough she had company with her this time. "Great, I thought," just what I need more people looking at my nether regins!" Macy introduced her partner in crime as ________ (I forgot as all I could think about was what was coming next & that their was going to be 2 people poking & prodding on me like a heifer at auction.) & they proceed to prod away. It was about halfway through this torture that I mentioned to Macy that I had been in bed for a week & a half & was depressed because I couldn't get my wifely duties done around the house. Again, she seemed unfazed. I figured this would jog her memory of my diagnosis of PPD 3.5 years ago, along with being treated with Lexapro. I got no more than a "uh huh" as she continued pushing even harder on my abdomen all the while ask "Does this hurt?" (I couldn't help but notice the similarities between
her & that annoying guy who does the Verizon commercials.) I know that there were more pressing issues at hand (ha ha just noticed that play on words!) but it was like she was more interested in showing her student how great her skills were as a NP.At this point I became rather frustrated and just wanted to high tail it out of there asap. It was apparent I wasn't being heard and it just made me feel that much smaller & insignificant. As the two of them finished man-handling my abdomen & uterus, they left me to gather what was left of my dignity. I actually sat there thinking "God just give me something that they can see so I don't have to keep going through this & them thinking I'm nuts!" I know how crazy that sounds, but laying in bed with a heating pad as my security blanket for almost 2 weeks at a time, & without relief from any over the counter medication, tends to make one a bit nutty to say the least. Well either God missed my call, or I've got the wrong number because as I feared all of my test results have come back negative.
So here I am, back at square 1 and all I have to show for my pain is a bill for my 20%. Yippie! To add insult to injury, I was the one who had to track down my own test results. I waited 8 days which is 5 days longer than the ultrasound tech advised me to. Being that I know the "process" of who interprets the results,when they get transcribed, & how "quickly" the Dr.'s office receives them, I knew to allow for a bit more time than what I was told. Plus, I didn't want to come across as pushy. I waited this long to see a doctor, what was a week more going to hurt? Plenty as I was to find out.
After talking to Macy's MA about my test results, I asked the question I dared not asked but did anyway. "So where do we go from here?" I was floored by her response. "Well just wait a few weeks & we'll go from there." "Excuse me? Can you repeat that?", I thought. Unfortunately that's not what I said. Before I could even begin to comprehend what I been told I blurted out "That's not gonna work for me. There's nothing TO wait for." I then had to explain to her that this had nothing to do with my "monthly bill" as I had already "paid" this moth's bill and the cramps were still present as if I were to get next month's bill early. I told Macy's MA, Kate, I wasn't about to go through another month like I did last month & "Wait" to see what happens. I informed her that when talking with Macy, she had mentioned that if all my results came back ok, she would then refer me on to an OB/GYN for "further evaluation". Again Kate's lackadaisical response was "Well let's just wait a couple months and see how it goes". Am I not being clear here? Didn't we have the same discussion only moments ago? At this point I accepted defeat and quickly mumbled something that allowed me to get off the phone before I had a total conniption fit & went all Naomi Campbell on her.
So as you can see, this whole mess is exactly why I don't go to the doctor. I get tired of the run around & I want my money's worth. If I am sick enough to go to the doctor then I'm walking out with an antibiotic, medication samples, or a prescription of some kind. Simply put, I want answers or at least point me in the direction in where I need to go to get them. Is that too much to expect? In my case, it seems so.
