Random item #1

Recently I was tooling around Facebook, wasting time as my husband likes to call it and I came across this "bumper sticker" that really "hit home" with me. This really sums up how I feel about a lot of folks in my life, including my own family. At the beginning of the year I decided I was going to make this year about me. I promised myself that I was going to quit trying to please everybody else under the sun and make my needs, & my wants come first. Yet here I am not even a full 3 weeks into the new year & I'm having a hard time doing that. I'll give you an example:

I have a neighbor who has a son, "Bailey" close in age to my son. We'll call her "Helen".

Helen is a very nice person, boring as she may be. Over the years, I have always tried to be polite & make conversation with her. We're not close by any means, but we chit chat occasionally. Our conversations are always limited to our children & a handful of piddly topics. It was through one of these pointless conversations that Helen revealed to me she had gotten a new job & was having a difficult time finding "reliable" childcare for those times in between her going to work & her husband coming home. I told Helen that when I was working, I too had encountered this predicament. I was sympathetic to her situation. I then told her that if she ever needed me to let me know. Her son Bailey at that time was a good kid and easy to care for. I went along thinking nothing of the conversation. Over the last year, I have been increasingly called upon to watch Bailey. I do so when I can or want and leave it at that. However, I do feel guilty when I do on occasion say no. Partly because I vividly remember how much of a hassle it was to get a babysitter.


Fast forward to present day..

Helen recently got promoted to a management position as her husband was simultaneously layed off. When I babysit for Helen, it's usually only for an hour or two so I don't mind. It actually gives me a break from playing "smash 'em up trucks" with my son. Regardless, I haven't seen or spoken to Helen or her husband lately due to the hustle & bustle of the holidays. Her son's birthday just so happened to coincide with my nephews birthday, as well as an attempt to get a holiday portrait done for my in-laws. But I took the time to get a present for little Bailey and sent it with my husband and son as I got ready for my husband's Christmas party as well. Was that rude? Probably, but at that time of year, they're lucky to even get that considering these people aren't family. I realize I'm rambling a bit her..ok.. back to my point.

It's been weeks since I've spoken to Helen. Low & behold I get a phone call from her. I chose not to answer it as I was rushing out the door to cram as much as I possible could into yet another action packed Saturday afternoon. Part of me was curious as to what she could possibly want. As I got in the car, I lackadaisically check my voice mail; mentally preparing myself what I knew would be waiting for me.

Sure enough, my babysitting services are needed once again. What bothered me the most though, was the fake, insincere manner in which the voice mail began. There was a pathetic attempt of smoothing things over by saying how much our toy for her son's birthday was so appreciated. Really? So why not take the time and pick up the phone & let me know this BEFORE you need my services once again? You can't lump the both of them into the same conversation and expect it to be believable. It's pretty obvious to me that this is all a lame attempt to build me up, before you ask me to babysit, in hopes that I won't say no. Then to add insult to injury, she ends by saying "We should really get together soon & have a night where we play board games or something." Please, I may have been born at night, but I wasn't born last night!

I guess what bothers me is this: I would never do that to someone else, so what makes her think it's OK to do that to me? There is nothing in my nature that says, "Hey I don't care about myself or my feelings, so you shouldn't either! Here, be my guest, walk all over me, really I don't mind!" Granted, I am home pretty much all day everyday with my son & we don't go anywhere because my husband drives our only car to work everyday. I can see how that could be misconstrued to be that I don't have much of a life. Still, I chose to be a stay at home mom full time because in our family, the benefits outweighed the need for me to be working full time. So I "sat on it" for a few says trying to think up a way to be firm, direct, yet polite in telling Helen no. Helen it appears was more desperate than I had anticipated. I received another phone call following morning, (it was what I awoke to actually) from Helen. I didn't even bother to listen to the voice mail for fear the desperation in her voice would make me cave as soon as I heard it. I rolled out of bed, took as shower & planned on return her call as soon as I got ready for the day.

Somewhere between the morning paper, my breakfast and a quick game of fishing on the Wii I forgot to call Helen back. Oddly enough I did however,remember to call my mother, whom I forgot to call back from the night before. Initially what started out to be a five minute conversation ended up being one of those "What's the world coming to?" conversations that lasts on average, about an hour minimum. In the midst of this I get a text message from, (who else?)Helen. I'm not all that savvy at the multi-functions of my cell phone & even if I were, I wasn't about to hang up with mom to appease someone who has made me feel like an option, time & time again. Feeling guilty and ready to make up an excuse, I relented and called Helen back. Only this time, I didn't lie or make up some phony excuse so as not to hurt her feelings. I was honest and told Helen how I felt....well mostly..

Simply put, I told Helen that it may have appeared that I was avoiding her, but I honestly wasn't.(Do half truth's count as lies or just half lies?) I had intended on calling her earlier but got side tracked with things around the house (half truth #2) & I had just gotten off the phone with my mom trying to see if she was planning on coming over on Monday.(mostly true, we just hadn't nailed down when exactly) Then I did something that I have never done.

I gave Helen a slight glimpse the "inner me". I told her I was going through a "phase"; that I had been in some kind of funk lately and I was taking some time for myself. (No lie there at all for once)I know how odd that may sound since I'm home all day, 5 days a week, but it was exactly how I felt. It WAS the truth. Surprisingly, Helen understood and was calling to let me know that she had arraigned for someone else to take care of Bailey. "What a relief!", I thought. Just when I thought the conversation was at a point where I could hang up, Helen decides to get "personal" with me. NOW? Of all times NOW? By this time I am in the car riding down the road to get my "to do list" done, wondering, "How do I end this conversation without being rude?" Thankfully Helen mad the comment of "Well I better let you go as I see you guys have already left." DUH! Feeling empowered, I went to bed Sunday night with a sense of relief. That however, was short lived...

I am just about to hit the sheets,last night when, I get a text message at 7 minutes till 11:00. Guess who? Yep, once AGAIN, Helen is in a pinch and needs a sitter ASAP. Only this time she's really pulling out all the stops. She needs me to watch Bailey from 8:45-4:00 on Saturday & she's willing to actually pay me $30 which she can pay me next Wednesday. I really could care less about the money. I never babysat for Helen looking to make a quick buck. What bothers me AGAIN is:

a. It's last minute. You mean to tell me she doesn't get her work schedule a week in advance like most people do? Add the fact that she's asking me through a text message, and it's utterly ridiculous.

b. Why is she dangling money in my face? It's an absolute insult to me. It's as if all the times I babysat before were expected somehow and meaningless.

c. I just can't believe that someone would actually have the audacity to ask me to watch their child, knowing that the weekends are the only time I have to spend with my whole family & get my errands done.

I don't know why this bothers me so much since I am usually so quick to voice my displeasure in any situation. I don't usually put this much thought into things. I'm quick to just "call it like I see it." I think it all goes back to the beginning of this jumbled mess of a blog: I'm tired of making other people a priority when all I am to them is an option.