To escape my guilty conscience, I jump into my piddly list of things to do around the house. The first thing, (naturally)being facebook; my electronic indulgence equivalent to chococlate. Just as I was starting to feel a bit better I came across the following status post:
Larimer County Foster Care Recruitment:
"to be adopted" -- found written on a youth's Christmas wish list by a 13 yr old Larimer County foster girl. Our teens want families too:)
Over the last 2 years, my husband and I have been talking about getting involved in the foster care system. Currently, it's a complicated issue for us as we are in the midst of relocating. We also know that we are only committed to this new situation for 2-3 years. After that we are planning on moving to the east coast. We want to get involved not because we want or "need" another child, but because we have TRULY been blessed this and want to give back. Lately I have been feeling guilty for being so blessed. I struggle with the idea of "would that be fair to a child who is looking for a family?; to start the process, knowing it would be temporary? I'm the type of person who when I start something I HAVE to finish it and see it all the way the way through to the end. I HATE to have others finish what I start. When I was working this was my hugest problem; relinquishing control. I have always felt it was my responsibility to "finish" what I start. As I type, the irony I see is just jumping off of the page at me.
Then there is the issue of "What right do I have to be involved in possibly raising another child, when I can't even have a relationship with the child I placed for adoption?" I mean really? How much sense does that make? How fair/right would that be for me to do?
As you can see, this tiny little post on Facebook has sent my brain and heart on a mission to battle. For me, foster care isn't about making myself "feel" good or any of those other emotions that one gets from raising a child. It's not about me whatsoever. It's about stepping up to the plate and doing what I feel needs to be done. It's about giving a child something that they weren't given or was taken away from them through no fault of their own. It's about instilling hope in one person's life. By doing so, maybe that example will become a spark that starts a fire for others to do the same. There is a phrase that I love that I try to keep close at heart:
"You must be the change you want to see in the world." ~Mahatma Gandhi
When I get discouraged by the actions I see of others, I try to remember this. Often I succeed and am able to adjust my thinking, other times when I'm too emotional, not so much. I have the power to make a change no matter how hard it may seem. We all do. I don't know if fostering is what I am "suppose" to do but I am really, strongly considering it. I don't know if I believe in "signs" but I can't help but think I was suppose to read that post for some reason. I'm not one who believes in coinsidences either. I believe things happen for a reason, even if we don't comprehend at the time(or ever for that matter) why they happen. I have often thought that some things happen in life so that others can see a purpose and meaning in it. I believe certain instances and often times people, come in to our lives so that that issue or person can be used as an instrument to accentuate something in someone else's life. In essence, a sort of "wake up call" or spark for someone else. It's like this poem I have read:
"Some people come into our lives and quickly go.
Some people move our souls to dance. They awaken us to
new understanding with the passing whisper of their wisdom.
Some people make the sky more beautiful to gaze upon.
They stay in our lives for awhile, leave footprints
on our hearts, and we are never ever the same."
~ Flavia Weedn
And to think, all of this from reading a status update on Facebook...
3 comments:
You know that I used to be in foster care...I can say this and know that you won't be insulted or hurt by my honesty and will understand....or I hope that is true.
Don't do it. Do not become a foster parent at all if you are not committed to a long term involvement....the hardest part of being a foster child is knowing that the adults are not going to be there and are not going to make the committment needed to become real to the child.
If you want to help, volunteer. Volunteer to be a CASA - they don't require involvement that is so in depth that the child becomes dependant, but they make a HUGE difference to the child then and in the future.
I had several foster/house parents over the years that made a difference. The problem was that those are the same people that were short term or limited as you say you will be.
Think about it.
There is aneed for temporary foster families and especially respite care for foster families. Good luck in whatever you decide. We became licensed during a move to another county.
Lori~
I think we have already decided not to do foster until we are settled completely. I just don't think that's fair to a child, but especially to a child in foster care. I grew up in a family that moved every 3-5 years and I hated it. I can't imagine what that would be like for a child coming from the foster system and trying to get adjusted to a family. I read a book a few years back("It's Better to Build Boys than Mend Men", written by S. Truett Cathy, the founder of Chick-Fil-A.)that also reinforces what you have said. There was one part in particular where he talks about how he had repainted the interior of their house and when some of the grown children returned they were really upset by it. I don't know why but that really stuck with me. What I took from that was how even the slightest bit of change can be upsetting to a child who has grown up in the foster care system.
So believe me when I say this is something that I have thought about for a long time & discussed. It's not something I just one day woke up and decided I wanted to do. I'm such a control freak, and over analytical that it gets in the way of me making a decision.
And yes, I've heard about CASA and that's actually something I am going to do in the mean time...until we get settled.
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