It seems I have strayed away from what my goal was in my first post. Still in search of motivation, (and partly out of curiosity) I clicked on the "Next Blog" button at the top of the page (You know, the one when you are reviewing your blog.) That was a HUGE mistake. I clicked a few times, then a few times more. The next thing know it's an hour later. Now I sat dazed, & that much more confused & disgusted. As I sat there trying to shake off the images I had so quickly scrolled through, one thing popped out at me like a huge neon sign. PEOPLE SURE DO SEEM TO THINK A LOT OF THEMSELVES, THEIR LIVES & THEIR KIDS! The sheer number of blogs that were full of people blathering on about everyday things was in the hundreds easily! I'll give you a few examples of these visual violations & their captions:
"Oh little Tommy spit up today! But he is still the best baby ever! I love him so much!" (Etc etc you get the idea) Attached was a rather disgusting picture of Tommy VOMITING not spitting up mind you, all over some poor woman's bosom. 1 word: creepy
"I bought a new (insert name brand) purse & it's the BEST EVER!" (I'm so out of the loop fashion sense-wise I don't even know a fancy name brand to insert here.) Again, attached is a picture of some over sized bowling ball looking type of "handbag". (More like body bag) Not only was it HIDEOUS (& my bet, vastly overpriced) it looked old & used. To the untrained eye(such as mine)I don't think one could tell the difference between it & something picked up at a garage sale.
"We are an infertile couple looking to adopt.." That's all the further I got before I hit the next button...again & again & again & again...total agains? Around 25. (God has a wicked awesome sense of humor..If he were a real person here on Earth walking amongst us, I would have to give him a high 5 for his great use of sarcasm.)
My point is this: Odd as it may sound I have a hard time talking--scratch that--BRAGGING about myself and/or my life. (I can hear you all laughing now as the irony of that statement is not lost on any of you.) Ok so I have a blog yes, but it's not a podium for me stand upon & stroke my ego with. I don't use it to make myself feel better or make someone else feel belittled. At least I feel that is what I have tried to do.
I guess after seeing all of the things I mentioned it made me feel even more isolated than I already am. It made me realize just exactly how much I DON'T fit in to society & I probably never will. It made me ask myself, WTH am I doing here?(With my blog) Why do I keep doing this when there are so many other people out there who seem to think so much of themselves to be doing the same thing that I am..writing a blog..an insignificant blog none the less. So you see, my little search for inspiration to post, turned around & bit me in the ass. I was now more than ever stuck & at a loss for words.
Now, you can plainly see, how easily one month of not posting could turn into two or three. I am not a "sheep" person by any means & I struggle with my independent nature. I never like to do anything that may have the slightest whiff of being "bandwagon-ish". (Is that even a word? Who cares, it is now) As I type I realize I am again, WAY out in left field..Time to wrangle myself in here a bit..
Reality is there has been so much that has happened over that past few months, I can't even begin typing it all out. I am going to have to go buy some computer software where I can talk & the computer types otherwise I am never going to get anywhere on this blog. I will give you the main points quickly.
- I had to end a 16 year friendship with someone who turned out to be just as materialistic & self centered as the people I mentioned earlier. I have truly never been so disappointed in someone in my entire life as I was of her! Right now I am in between angry & hurt.
- My "dad" showed up( a few weeks later) out of the blue & I was expected to entertain him for 2 days. Mind you, I have not seen this man in almost 11 years. Not even when my youngest son was born 5 years ago. Can we say huge post?
- My family & I took a LONG & much needed vacation..with my mother. Cue the dramatic music. What was I thinking really? Dear God, I am a glutton for punishment. Again, the word long winded comes to mind when I think about writing about this one.
- My husband's family finally went & pissed him off. Talk about a shock to the system for me. I NEVER in a million years thought I would live to see the day when my DH got angry enough to put these people in their place.(I'm sure you can hear the little evil voice in my head going yes,yes,yes!)
- My husbands biological family turns out to be just as odd as his current family.(HIS words not mine.) I have tried to defend these people to him & asked him to give them a chance since they weren't allowed to be in his life as he was growing up. After being jilted & ultimately rejected once again, I sympathize with him now. I still have hope. Gee I wonder why?
- I finally "heard" from my adoptive family after 6 months of silence. Well I'll just skip to the end on that one. I finally had to go & cease contact with the adoptive family.
I hate to be like the local news who run "teasers" about the upcoming news stories, but as you can see I could type for DAYS & still not be done.
Maybe when the holidays are over I will exercise all of these "demons" and then, maybe, just maybe, I can have the simplicity I dearly long for in my life. Something tells me I'm dreaming again though...
